Have you ever reached a point in your life when all you could see was rubble and pain? Or have you ever felt that there are parts of yourself going in too many directions to even attempt to pull it all back?
I reached that place three years ago after three people who were pillars in my life passed away in a short amount of time. Simultaneously, we had a family crisis that resulted in broken relationships, and pain from my past haunted me.
I was overwhelmed by fear, depression, shame, and confusion, but I didn’t know how to get out of the valley. I knew Jesus was with me, but I felt so alone. It seemed like something was blocking my intimacy with Christ.
Put Off by “Trauma”
One Sunday at church I saw a bulletin insert for Healing Hearts, a beautiful ministry to women who are post-abortive and also post-trauma. It’s a ministry that has been around for a while at RMCC, but to be honest, I had written it off as something I couldn’t be a part of because I hadn’t experienced a “big enough trauma.”
The word “trauma” was off-putting to my pride, but I was so hurt, broken, and desperate for the Lord to hold me and heal me that I knew I would implode soon if I didn’t seek help. Little did I know that the enemy was using the lie of “my pain isn’t trauma” to keep me away from the study.
Eventually, I thought, “I will just ask Heather if I qualify to be a part of the study.” After calling Heather and verbally dumping years of pain all over her, she very kindly encouraged me to take the Hem of His Garment study.
I had to wait four months before the next study started, but the battle had begun with the enemy trying to keep me away. I can’t tell you how many times I googled the definition of trauma! In my pride, I would look around and think, “Well, she’s more broken than me!” and “I’m fine.”
I was blinded by the log in my eye.
Trauma can be many things:
• broken relationships
• medical issues
• emotional, physical, or sexual abuse
• unmet expectations
• marriage struggles
• financial struggles…
Let’s just say life can be trauma! As you can see, the word “trauma” would apply to anyone who has walked around in this broken world.
Steps of Faith on the Path to Healing
I had pain, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, shame, and sin that had become walls and stumbling blocks. They kept me from fully experiencing freedom. So, in taking the study, I trusted that the Lord would meet me and that Heather would lead me through the process.
The first couple times we met I felt like a fraud, and I really battled with the thoughts and feelings of not belonging there. But that was the enemy trying to keep me away from the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.
Week by week, we went through the study and Scriptures – so much Scripture! I asked the Holy Spirit to meet me and show me the way through the mess around me and in me.
The Cross of Christ Changes Everything
Everything changed when I fully met the Lord at the foot of the cross and understood that He would heal me because His love for me is so deep and beyond my comprehension. The cross is something I had taken for granted. Yes, I knew Jesus died for me, and I knew I was saved, but I had forgotten that the power of the cross could bring me freedom.
I came away from the study with a deep understanding of what Jesus actually did on the cross for me. I knew I could learn to trust, love, and build deeper relationships with the people around me. I could forgive because I better understood what God had done to forgive me. I learned that forgiving someone is different than being healed from the offense.
If you feel the Lord prompting you that this ministry could be for you, don’t allow the enemy to steal the opportunity for healing. Take a step of faith knowing that the Lord has promised to meet you as you seek healing.
Written by Kelly Martin